If you’re a follower of this blog, you’ll know that I rarely post personal things from Mom’s journals – the source of all of these blog posts. Today is going to be different.
Last night I could not sleep and got up in the middle of the night and began reading from the journal she was keeping at the time she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. This entry was made about 2 months after the diagnosis.
“There are some aspects of my situation that I simply want to record in my diary.
I had the mistaken thinking at first of connecting the Alzheimer’s with a lack of intelligence, and it confused me because I made top grades in an excellent college, competing with students who had attended private schools in the East.
Clyde pointed out that intelligence and memory are two completely separate things. I don’t know why I thought I should be able to overcome my problem – or that it shouldn’t have happened – just because I’d been intelligent when I was younger. I suppose I still am at some level, though if memory problems block my thinking, the result is the same as if I never had the intelligence to begin with.
I suppose I’ve wandered into rambling at this point, and it’s time to think about what You have revealed through the Bible and through your obvious works in the world.”
God’s answer in her spirit:
“‘Peace I give to you.’ Make this your mantra as you travel this road. Many, many times I have comforted you and led you to places which you would not have chosen, yet in those places we came to know one another more intimately, In those places we worked miracles together – sometimes little miracles, and sometimes big miracles.
Lives were changed for the better – yours, your family’s, friends’ and children in the church because you persevered in reading My Word and praying and obeying as you were able.
Do you think I would desert you now? No – never will I desert you, my beloved child. Do not fear the road ahead – you have family and friends and doctors, and the Holy Spirit surrounding you and caring for you.
Let us proceed together.”
You may be wondering if God kept His promise. It’s been almost 16 years since that entry was made. I can tell you with absolute certainty God has kept (and continues to keep) his promise. Mom is now 90 and rarely communicates verbally any more. But she does communicate with her eyes, with her smile and with her spirit. As she says in her journal, God has led her to a place she did not want to go. None of us did. It has been a road filled with both laughter and tears but even more so filled with mercy, grace and blessing.